Depression

I love this video and the book. It explains depression so simply and yet effectively. Both domestic violence and family breakdown can result in depression. You are likely to get sleep problems as well  If you recognise any of the symptoms in the video please get help. If you had a physical health problem you would.

Children especially those in the care system can also suffer from depression.

Humberside Police  inconsistent approach to domestic violence

 

A recent HMIC report criticises Humberside Police

Here is an extract from the report:

HMIC has made an initial consideration of the action plan submitted by Humberside Police.

We found the action plan details activity that is in line with the agreed national priorities

outlined above. However, there is no clear evidence to highlight how the force has met the vast majority of the requirements.

 The force has provided information around ongoing activity to demonstrate a foward-looking approach and intention, but not included clear evidence of what they have been doing since the

HMIC inspection and report publication in March 2014. 

 There is also no clear reference to the HMIC force recommendations within this submitted plan.

The crime inspection provided us with our first opportunity to test whether changes in the force's approach to domestic abuse were beggining to have a positive effect.

HMIC found that, although domestic abuse was a priority for the force, there was a fragmented and inconsistent approach across the force with victims not always recieving the level of support they needed.

There was a concern about standard and medium risk cases and although there were examples of good partnership work this again varied across the force.

We found evidence in Humberside that activity related to domestic abuse remains inconsistent across the force.

 Although the force was piloting a Repeat Victim Group,identifying vulnerability issues, building links with MARAC and offering tactical resources for higher risk cases, this was limited to one policing area. 

This is my local police force and this report holds no surprises. I completely agree with the inconsistent approach the Inspector found .  In fact I would go further than that from local   knowledge .In my opinion Humberside Police and I am sure it's not just them need to pull their socks up.

As I outlined in a previous post there are long term costs of domestic violence in terms of mental health, there is also a knock on effect on children , housing and physical health. If anyone is happy to share a personal story anonymously please contact me. Or if you require help with using the police complaints procedure I am also willing to assist you.

Link to HMIC report here http://bit.ly/19aucku

Could Family court cause PTSD

 Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 

Family breakdown is up at the top of the list alongside bereavement  on major causes of stress.The court process , especially if it involves Children's Services does not lessen this stress one iota. It would be completely normal to feel stressed at this time but the feelings should lessen over time. If they persist could it be post traumatic stress disorder, commonly shortened to PTSD?

 Common causes of PTSD include:

• War
• Major disaster
• Rape,emotional or physical abuse
• A threatening, uncontrollable situation
• A serious accident

Basically speaking any situation where a person feels very out of control  , their lives or loved ones were in danger or they feel hopeless. 

The trauma could be a single event or a series of events taking place over months or years. It can affect adults or children

Symptoms

One of the most common symptoms of PTSD is
having repeated and intrusive distressing memories
of the event. There may also be a feeling of
reliving (or ‘re-experiencing’) the event through
‘flashbacks’ or nightmares, which can be very
distressing .
Some PTSD sufferers will avoid trigger situations and will also try not to think about the event, others will over think and relive the event constantly. Some will forget significant parts of the event.

PTSD causes a mixed bag of emotions, highs ,lows,anger,guilt,shame . The "what if's and "they should have" or "I should have" and "why me's" will also dominate the mind at times.

It would also be normal to be anxious and irritable and suffer sleep problems as well.

Depression and anxiety can also develop. There may be an increased tendency to self medicate with alcohol or recreational drugs. 

So can going through family court cause PTSD?

In my opinion yes. Family breakdown ticks the PTSD boxes, it is an out of control situation,it threatens safety of loved ones and it causes major trauma. In the case of care proceedings, I would suspect that a considerable percentage of  children and parents may already have PTSD before hand due to domestic violence or living in chaotic situations. The current system is going to exacerbate rather than help any symptoms.Is this good for the long term welfare of the child? 

 Three O'Clock in the morning wake up call?

I wonder if as well  as, the known surge in the use of electricity at the advert  break in between popular TV programmes there is a similar surge at 3 am in the morning. Is that not the time that you ping awake thinking all those thoughts that you haven't had time to think in the day?

I know how difficult and stressful family breakdown is and your quality of sleep is very likely to suffer.

Some monks actually start their day at 3am , but as you are reading a family blog, I think I can safe fully assume that you are not a monk! 

So you lie there with your head going around like a washing machine on spin cycle. The more you try the worst it gets and you start counting the hours to the alarm. I used to do this regularly, but not so much any more even when I am to face a gruelling day in court.

I am no guru , I just want to share a few tips that worked for me.

Good bedtime routine The old ones are the good ones. Milky drinks and reading works .Alcohol will get you to sleep but it may wake you up as the alcohol level in your body drops. Computer screens ,mobile phones keep you wide awake. Eating is not a good idea either . So getting to bed relaxed starts the night off right. I also keep a notepad by the bed and if there is any unfinished business bothering me it is written down and parked there for the night.

However if you still wake up at 3am , don't lie there no matter how snug you are, you are likely to be still wide awake a couple of hours later. Get up and do something different, read, put the radio, but not TV on, do not go back until your tired. If you still do not go back to sleep  within 20 minutes drag yourself out again and repeat the process.  Keeping a sleep log helps you chart your progress so you don't lose hope and fall back into bad sleep habits. Eventually over days ,perhaps weeks you retrain your body and you don't have to get up hardly ever. 

On the odd occasions that I do ping awake, I use these tools and I soon back in dreamland.

This post on PTSD may also be useful:

http://bit.ly/1AehNSD

 Children's Mental Health Week

This caught my attention as children under the child protection radar are so more likely to have mental health issues as are those living in care. 

The link to Place2Be is here  https://www.place2be.org.uk/our-story/childrens-mental-health-week/

Mental health issues in my opinion anyway could possibly be the the last taboo. Poor mental well being although it may have a genetic link, is nothing to be ashamed of and is certainly not catching

Common causes of mental health problems:

Isolation and lack of a support network

Life events such as unemployment, bereavement, illness and abuse

Family history and upbringing including witnessing domestic violence as a child

Lack of personal resilience due to low self esteem, special needs and resistance to change

Experience of education and employment such as being bullied at school, lack of qualifications leading to limited work choices

Coping strategies

These can be positive or negative. The negative can provide short term relief but will not lead to long term improvement they include drinking alcohol , self harming, binge eating and taking drugs( including some prescription drugs)
Positive coping strategies include talking therapies, writing problems down , exercising, maintaining friendships. 

Getting help

This is a really difficult decision as whatever is supposed to happen there is no doubt that children are removed as a result of parents admitting to mental health problems in either themselves or their children. I must stress that it doesn't always happen and please don't delay getting help because of these worries. However there is help available that will not filter back to Children's Services , for instance MIND has an on line forum and in various parts of the country Stress Control Courses are run, normally you do not even give your name to join these. Alateen run support groups for 12-17 year olds affected by a family members drinking and it is also completely anonymous 

Another organisation who may offer help is Young Minds who provide a breakdown of mental health issues affecting children:

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/training_services/policy/mental_health_statistics

They run a parent helpline as well.